Trusting in God is no simple feat. It often requires one to look at the circumstance around them, acknowledge that they exist, and still say that their hope, their faith, their entire being is
leaning falling into the hands of God. Even as a Christian who loves Jesus so much, there are times where I do put borders around how much I trust God. And why? Jesus is able to relate to someone like me.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders/Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
My goal is to trust God anywhere He calls me. My life was planned in my head. I thought I had everything figured out, but honestly, I don’t know why I am going to seminary. All I know is that God told me to do it. Ugh, sometimes I fear judgement stating that God talks to me, but I talk to Him and I hear His voice. I want to be led by the Holy Spirit. I want to be led to places deeper than my feet could ever wander. As frightening as that sounds, it is incredible.
I am just in one of the moments where I am completely overwhelmed by the Trinity. It is one of the moments where I know that God has plans for me and I want those plans. It is one of those moments where God asked me to be single and serve Him it would be a confident, no second guessing yes! It is one of those moments where I know God is calling me to surrender my life.
Jesus, as I type with eyes filled with tears, I am so overcome with love for You and God and the Holy Spirit. I know there are times where I live like my life is mine, but it isn’t. My life is not my own. I have done nothing to earn this salvation. You have done nothing to earn my second guessing. Lord, take me places I could not even have imagined. If that is to suburbia than so be it. If it be to a village of people who have never heard your name, so be it. If it is a first world country where You name has been heard and rejected, so be it. Lord, You love them all. If it be to one person, so be it. God, I do not doubt Your abilities.
More than that God take me deeper in my relationship with You. God, you have seen my worst. Every addiction, every fault, every mistake, every flaw lie exposed before You. I am not trying to hide who I am from You. I just want You Lord. Let my faith be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.
Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. I love you.