A Flower in Failure Forest

No one has asked how I came to be a communal foster parent, but I will share.

T’was a beautiful evening in April when I learned of my rejection from Mental Health Counseling Program at Georgia State University. I was wrecked. I thought it was a sure thing. I made it past the application and kicked tail at the interview. It was the middle of the night and I just thought to check my application status. I thought it was a dream. I had to look again in the morning. There on the screen in Ariel font: Application Denied.

Rejection hurts. It hurts when it is from a person, but the tinge is more severe when it is from a program. Even when I have felt completely monstrous  I knew I was smart. At times, I let go of the idea that I am pretty to focus completely on my intelligence. In that moment, a solid foundation crumbled. I graduated in a month. I didn’t know what to do. Georgia State was the one. It was the only school where I applied. I knew I would get a graduate assistantship there. It was a 100% sure thing. Yeah, it was not.

We live in a society that has taught us to fear failure. I think it is because we have tied our self-worth to our personal success. This is a dangerous dilemma. As humans we are going to fail. With this premise in mind, it means with every failure that is bound to happen we will suffer a devastating loss of our self-worth.

I mourned for a week. I failed. I was a failure. Then, the most overused graduation scripture came into my mind. Take a guess. Yep, Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I studied the context of the scripture and began repeat it to myself in moments of sadness. When negative thoughts plagued my mind reminding me of the uncertainty of tomorrow. I would converse and say, “God, knows the plans for me. He has plans for me. His plans give me hope and create a future for me. He would never harm me.” Those words were written on my laptop, in my room, and most importantly on my heart.

I ended my undergraduate career with two maymester courses. During that time, I looked on my university’s career website and it listed an opportunity to work in a communal foster care setting. I knew I needed to apply, despite that I was a Georgia native and it would take me halfway across the country. The application was long, and forced me to revisit painful sections of my life, but I completed it. 

June 20th, I received a phone call accepting me into the year-long internship.

I traversed through the forest of failure (rejection) to grasp a flower (internship) for my future.

It was in fact this event that inspired me for my blog. Years, I have had my life planned.

  1. Elementary School
  2. Middle School
  3. High School
  4. College
  5. Master’s
  6. Marriage
  7. Doctorate
  8. Adopted Child
  9. Biological Child
  10. Adopted Child

Due to the interruption on step five, I have let go of the idea of a linear life. I want a life that is mine. I don’t have much time on this earth and the Lord is coming soon. Praise, He is coming soon. I submit my life to Christ and for me it means my life will not be typical. My life will not be in a numerical order, it will be in bullet points with God directing me to my next step. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

God, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for everything you are doing with my life. Thank you for being denied from graduate school. I didn’t know what you would have in store, but this is your will and this is what you want. Thank you God for protecting Your will for me. I don’t know what my life will be. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I am so glad you are for me and with. I would not want to do life with anyone else, but you. I adore you. (heavenly language)

In Your Name,

Amen

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