Happy Anniversary to Clarity

I don’t find numbers terribly significant. At least not in an obsessive superstitious way. December 12, 2012 was nothing more than a Wednesday. I am more prone to the importance of anniversaries. I think that a years time is ample enough to indicate where change has occurred.

Well, the joke is completely on me. A year ago (December 12, 2011), I wrote a post on my previous blog about graduate school. Guess which date is important now? December 12, 2012. I cannot believe a year ago, I first vocalized my discomfort with graduate school. How awesome is God though. On December 11, 2012, I visited Dallas Theological Seminary (Houston Campus) for a meeting with the admissions officer. Me and God have had an ongoing battle with me attending seminary for the past 2 years.

Returning home from Spain after a mission trip in May of 2011, I looked outside the window into the clouds and just pondered the amazing things God had done in the past week. I was overwhelmed with the depth of love I could have for a country and its people. I spoke to God, “I want to go back; I want to stay here forever”. But for what purpose? I sighed and thought to myself, “I can’t. What about graduate school?” God in His knowledge of my heart and well everything said to me, “What about seminary?” Because, I was on a plane, I did this in my heart I threw back my head and laughed at the idea. I guffawed in God’s face. Who in the world am I to go to seminary? I am the most indecent, loud, feministic, aggressive, androgynous person I know. Worse than that, I do not fit in with what the stereotypical Christian woman looks like. I am not making cucumber sandwiches for a potluck (don’t get me wrong though, I can cook). I am assertive. I am going to know the Bible for myself and not blindly follow doctrine by people who want to twist the Bible for personal gains. Then there was the social reasons I laughed about seminary. Seminary is a white man’s land. Those are the two very things I am not: white and man. I cannot help either.

Later that year, I found myself struggling to create the desire to go to graduate school. In that post, I only applied to one of those five schools. Even the one school I applied to, I didn’t want to attend. I already had a group of people assuming I would stay there forever. It was a blessing I didn’t get it. I needed to leave. I needed to become who I am here. I needed to let those people go.

It appears as if God is revealing His plan for me to me. I cannot believe I am actually pursuing seminary.

I guess God is the one laughing now.


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