Sovereign

The past seven days have doled out a butt whooping more brutal than my childhood can account. After a needed time in Atlanta, I come home and I get sick, but not stuffy nose cold sick. I reach an unsettling 104.7 degrees sick. I spent an entire day sweating and sleeping. I felt so alone. All I wanted was to be home with my mom. I wanted someone to take care of me. I didn’t want to be someone’s foster mom. I didn’t want to be a coworker; I wanted to be treated as a child. The evening came quickly for me. In earthly delusion and spiritual clarity I lifted my hands to the heavens and said, “I am healed”. Within a day, I became well.

Then yesterday happened. Yesterday, I was riding my bike. I was spending time with God. I was taking in His creation and suddenly I got hit by a car. I laid on the ground. My foot was in excruciating pain. I closed my eyes and quickly pleaded with my Father, “God please don’t let my foot be broken”. I breathed out as the man aided me up, and God’s peace came over me. I look back on that entire instance and God had His loving and protective hand on me.

As yesterday came to an end, I was in my room and I listened to Sovereign by Chris Tomlin. The chorus is a truth for me. Yesterday it was just a painful truth to admit.

In your everlasting arm
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

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Yesterday was one of the days where my beliefs and situations in my life created a dissonance. How can God, the only one I put my trust in, allow for my life to be put in such a situation? Then God quietly reminded me how He controls everything. My God is bigger than the car that hit me. He is greater than the copay I paid the hospital. He is higher than my temperature. He is the Giver of Life and the Ruler of Death. He is not affected by struggles of this world, but He is empathetic to the human experience through His Son, Jesus Christ. He knew of yesterday’s struggles. The Holy Spirit is indeed a Comforter and Protector. The truth is yesterday could have had my life, but God in His infinite love saved me.

God, You are so necessary for me. Don’t think I love You for necessity though. I love You because I don’t think I could ever not love You. You make me whole. My interest in fleeting materialist needs is fleeting because I am so fulfilled by You. I scares me that I am so fulfilled by You. I scares me that You love me so deeply. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for saving my life. I sometimes am just so overwhelmed. I don’t know why You are mindful of me? God I am so not perfect. I am continually messing up. I know there are  better people out there, but You love me. Thank You. All, I can offer You is my life. I am so content giving it to You. God, I don’t care where You take me. As long as You are with me and Your peace covers me, God take me anywhere. I love You.

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