I never feel the need to control my surroundings. As long as I have control of myself, I am okay. Lately, I have noticed that I want to control the uncontrollable or life’s issues that don’t really matter. I feel like I am grasping at my kids to hard. I am firm with my kids, but lately I feel like I have come on too strong. I love them, but sometimes I fear that I am crushing their spirits. Then, I feel like I am attempting to control everything that goes on in the house.
Why am I clutching so tightly?
Sometimes when we cannot control ourselves, we seek to control everything else. Wouldn’t it just be better to learn to control myself and then have peace about the rest? Coupled with my whimsical/serious self deprecating tendencies you would see why this is an issue.
(insert timely phone call from my mother where I lamented and vented…also, God bless my mom, for consistently assuring me to put my trust in You and reminding me of Your faithfulness to me)
I am feeling a lot better.
God thank you for Your timing. I don’t know where my thoughts would have led me tonight. It is so easy to self condemn sometimes. In my failures, I think myself as nothing. In my prideful pursuit of perfection, I think myself nothing. Sometimes, I feel like ash, of no use and to blown in the wind. You came in perfect time. Thank you for having my mother call me. Even though it is late, You knew. You always know. Bless her for her obedience. Thank you for saving me tonight. Keep me humble and keep me close. I love you.