I have gone to church all my life. However, not all people who attend church are Christian people. It is not judgement; it is a fact. Churches often harbor individuals who are more interested in being God than serving as like Christ and listening to the Holy Spirit.
I pronounced Christ as my Savior as a child, but didn’t begin working out my faith until I graduated from high school. I find God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and my relationship to be interesting. I mean me and God are doing awesome, even in the times of struggle. When, I am far from God, I feel it. The relationship I have with God is the most natural and loving relationships I have ever had. It is full of hard pursuit: to know God more, to be more like Jesus, to be attentive to the Holy Spirit. It is not all fluff and stuff. As I run towards Him, I am constantly becoming more aware of how flawed I am, but I also see the parts of me that were in “His image” (Genesis 1:26). As I love God more, I love myself more. Do not get this confused for pride though. My fleshly vision fades out. My dark skin is removed; the heaviness of my weight vanishes into oblivion. God humbles me to see this world from His perspective, including myself.
Honestly, you cannot hate yourself as much when you glimpse into how God sees you. God is not moved by my figure. If I was built like a model or a sumo wrestler, His love for me would not alter. God is not persuaded to love me in a greater measure for my accolades. God does not dole out a greater measure of love for my success or withhold love for my failures. His love for me has nothing to do with my value on this earth. God loves me simply because He loves me. God is love (1 John 4:8). In addition, I have a personal theology that God’s love for us is not tainted by the earthy measures for what is valuable. My value to God simply comes from the fact that He created me. He allowed me to happen. What kind of Creator creates something of no value?
I just love the moments when I spiritually become aware of God’s love for me.