There is so much I don’t know about God. I know some things, and often find myself boasting in what I know. However, today was one of those days where I was humbled by my misinformation.
I need to get better about questioning what I have been taught. I am not planning on questioning my religious affiliation. I am a bond servant to Christ. I just need to become more clear on my theology. Does not knowing specific Biblical details make me a bad Christian? Does assuming incorrect information make me a bad Christian? Worse than all of that I feel super condemned for not knowing. This Christian walk is no 5K. I wish it were a 5K, but I am just lazy. I would even settle for a marathon. Because sometimes, the more I know the less I actually know. I call this the ocean waves effect, beautiful and overwhelming. When will I know? How will I know it to be true? I wonder if God looks at our pursuit of theology and just laughs. Are all the mysteries of the Bible meant to be revealed by man? Are they even mysteries? Is God speaking clearly, but my human mind does not comprehend? Is there a ratio of application to information that God prefers? Would God prefer more knowledge over application of vice versa? Or does God want increasingly high levels of both?
What does God even want with me? I just don’t understand why God is so gracious to acknowledge me. I mean I am me, and I know me, and I would not even be gracious to me. I don’t know why He cares about me at all? Guess this is one of those nights where I don’t have to understand His love; I just have to accept it.
God. Honestly, this is just one of those days where I don’t know why you want to have anything to do with me. It is not because of the sins I have committed today. I just don’t feel like I am worth Your time. Sigh. You are just so great and I am so small. I am just insignificant. You pass simple significance. What would you want with lil’ ole me?
God, teach me what I need to know to make it in this life. I don’t want to know anything more or less. I am not interested in unearthing what you have kept unseen. It would be better for me to dig through the earth with a plastic spork. Nevertheless, I pursue You, Your Son, Your Spirit, and Your Word. Help me know You well. I don’t want to be deceived. Knowing the complete truth is better than knowing all lies. Let me know You. Let me know Your truth.