I am a terrible follower. I don’t know what had made me this way, but I am just bad at it. I don’t trust people’s judgement and assume I know better…even when I don’t. That is what I have learned in the past six months of working as a foster parent. I don’t know how Brittney dealt with me. God bless her for her patience with me. It was pride. I was prideful. I am sometimes an overbearing controlling neurotic freak. It wasn’t until the middle of February that I even realized how nuts I was being. It was then I attempted to be more intentional about listening and doing. In all honesty I don’t have it down as well as I would like.
March 20th, I accepted the role of foster parent for another house in the neighborhood. The way it works at my job, there are several people who live in the house and take care of children, but one of those people is the primary foster parent. This foster parent does intakes, scheduling, expense reports, WIC, and so much more. They are in charge, even when they don’t want to be in charge they are.
I don’t move until April 10th. Hopefully, this will give me time to get myself into gear. Sigh, I feel like I was just learning to be a decent follower. I am scared. I know there will be people to help me, but I already feel the weight of this sinking in. Holy Spirit, please just clear out your schedule for the next 6 months. I will be calling on You a ton for teaching and guidance. What is of most importance to be though is to lead this home well. I have prayed continuously for this house and my kids and just all of us.
One thing I have meditated on is leading this house. There have been times where I have been a leader and succeeded and other times where I failed. I don’t want to fail here. I want to do what is right and what is best for us. I have looked at leaders in the Bible and was led to Jesus. Jesus was humble and a servant to all. He saw people’s needs and met them. Now, I know it is awkward to ask people who randomly read my blog this, but will you pray for me? Will you pray that I will lead my house by being a total and complete servant? The verse that I am praying is Philippians 2:1-12
2 So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,[a] 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant,[b] being born in the likeness of men.8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death,even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Jesus, let me just exude You in this time. Let me not become prideful in myself or this title, but humble me. Allow me to serve my kids well, serve my coworkers well, and serve administration well. Holy Spirit I don’t know everything so please allow me to be receptive to those who know better than me. Give me wisdom in all this decision-making. God, there are so many words to pray, but my mouth is so empty. Just, help me please.