I am fat, medically and socially speaking. A sensitive society will attempt to sooth the wound of the three lettered bullet (fat) with words such as: plush, curvy, voluptuous or thick. However in this moment and all my other moments leading up to this post I am simply fat. Anyone who knows me well knows I fluctuate rapidly between fat acceptance and a general hatred of my size. I diet, ditch it, then try something else a month or two later. I know why my body functions the way it does. I know my attempts to lose weight are significantly harder than everyone else’s. Cognitively, I know all of these things. Yet, the reality of it all has settled on me lately. And what for years was the feeling of being curvy has morphed into feeling fat.
I think I am beginning to hate my body. The frightening thing about hating your body is once you hate your body, you might as well hate yourself…I should probably get counseling for this.