Body Hatred

I am fat, medically and socially speaking. A sensitive society will attempt to sooth the wound of the three lettered bullet (fat) with words such as: plush, curvy, voluptuous  or thick. However in this moment and all my other moments leading up to this post I am simply fat. Anyone who knows me well knows I fluctuate rapidly between fat acceptance and a general hatred of my size. I diet, ditch it, then try something else a month or two later. I know why my body functions the way it does. I know my attempts to lose weight are significantly harder than everyone else’s. Cognitively, I know all of these things. Yet, the reality of it all has settled on me lately. And what for years was the feeling of being curvy has morphed into feeling fat.

I think I am beginning to hate my body. The frightening thing about hating your body is once you hate your body, you might as well hate yourself…I should probably get counseling for this.


2 thoughts on “Body Hatred

  1. maridublado May 13, 2013 / 9:32 AM

    if you could only see what i see, Tosin. when i look at you, i see so much beauty. not only Jesus pouring out of you, but i see your beautiful skin and your beautiful smile. i see a tall woman who has beautiful curves. and it’s not FAT! don’t feed into the lies that satan tries to put in our lives. Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

    i love you sweet sister. and i know your journey all too well ❤

  2. Instant Mama May 11, 2013 / 3:12 PM

    I’m sorry you have this struggle. I agree that it is good to talk to someone about this. You can’t serve God well if you don’t love yourself as His beautiful child. My advice on these things is to focus on the good. Set positive goals instead of negative ones (aim to eventually run 1 mile and eat fresh fruit and veggies at every meal instead of aiming to lose weight and stop eating cake). Usually the good results happen more naturally when we aim for the positive. The results usually stick around too, unlike diet plans where the weight comes back as soon as the diet ends. Feel totally free to disregard this advice. Hope you feel more positive soon!

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