I don’t think I have ever been more frustrated working with someone in my life. I am not prone to anger. I don’t consider it a sin that I struggle with, however, I have found myself completely embedded in it. I have found myself so angry with one person that seeing them, hearing them, talking about them, or even thinking about them makes me livid. My mouth has become a fountain of faultfinding. I am so completely bothered by them, that even the good they do gets overshadowed by the constant and perpetual dislike of all that they are. Isn’t that so disgusting though?
In the moment, I feel like the hatred I spew is valid. I am angry. The way they work makes me angry. The way they treat our kids makes me angry. The way they are so self-centered makes me angry. The way they disengage makes me angry. The way they are not a team player makes me angry. The way they don’t attempt to serve others makes me angry. The way they do not listen to instruction makes me angry. I may have a right to be angry. I may not have a right to be angry. The truth is though that when it is the end of the day when it is just God and me, I am wrong. I am always wrong.
I do not consider myself God-like in any fashion. I don’t want to be God; I want to be godly. I want to be truthful in my beliefs. I want to live in a manner where my words are the same as my actions. Nothing more nothing less. In this situation with me and this person, I imagine how God relates with me. God has plenty of reasons to be angry with me. I am constantly sinning, even though I love Him so much. I gossip. I lie. I judge. I think terrible thoughts about people. I say terrible things about people. I poke fun. I am prideful. I am unkind. God can take a single one of those things and be angry with me. He doesn’t though. In His abundant love, He corrects me. He corrects me, forgives me, and doesn’t hold it against me.
The greatest problem with my anger at this person is that it is anger partly fueled by pride. Part of the anger is fueled by love for my kids, but there are tones of pride glimmering in the flame. Well, the thing about pride is pride never seeks to correct. Pride seeks to criticize and condemn. Pride does not forgive. Pride brings faults to the forefront, always. Pride doesn’t simply hold mistakes against a person. Pride makes a badge of mistakes for others to wear for the rest of their lives. I don’t want to be that person. Jesus was not that person. I have a lot of faults that do not deserve forgiveness, but that is a divine glory of grace. I need to offer this person more grace…
God forgive me for being so prideful. I am not perfect at all. I get it all wrong so many times. I drop the ball so much. I am a classic type 1 screw up. Yet, you love me so much. Your grace for me, is so abounding and inspiring. However, I lost sight of that. Help me keep my eyes on You. Help me to show grace to others. Help me show grace to this person. God, I know you love them. So help me see them through Your eyes. Help me be quick to listen, slow to speak, and even slower to become angry. Humble me radically.
God be with this person. I have no clue what is going on in their personal life. It is not my business, but be with them. God everyone needs You. This life is so hard. We all struggle differently, but there is one salvation for all. Be with them as they walk though life, because life is hard.
Lord, I just love You and adore You and thank you for teaching me even when I am at my lowest. In Jesus Name,