With all the faith a man can muster, I believe God spoke and still speaks. I believe God directly speaks to me. Yet, there are moments when God speaks to me, but I cannot hear Him. Sometimes, it is because of external distractions. Mostly, it is because of internal ones. Sin. Pride. Anger. Those have all been hindrances in the past two weeks. My time with God has been stunted because all three block me from accessing His throne spotless.
God is so good though. He uses anyone He wants to try and bring us back to Him. Today it was a
coworker friend. We don’t agree on everything theologically, but God knows that I will listen to her. So, He spoke His truth out of her mouth like a tidal wave. Both overwhelming, but so vastly refreshing. In the moment, I felt convicted because she was so completely right. Hammer on the nail, right. And I’m thankful that she was right. A friend is not someone who allows your vent to turn into gossip and morph into slander like a Pokemon. A friend will stop you because they know you. And while, I still have prayers of forgiveness to be prayed and forgiveness to be asked of me I am glad to be in this place. I am glad to be back at the bottom again. I’m glad to know God loves me enough to use people around me to correct me.
God thank You for Your correction. Sometimes in my prideful attempt to be perfect or popular, I lose sight that neither are my goal. I can’t be perfect. I am not going to be popular. All, I can possibly ever be is in right standing with You. Thank You, that You are always trying to bring me back to You. Thank you that when I mess up, You use anyone and everyone to pull me back to You. Lord, You know I am so prone to wander and stray away.
Please forgive me. I have been so angry and prideful in this situation that I have sacrificed right standing with You. Jesus, You are my hearts one desire. Far above marriage and children and friends and everything this whole world has to offer me, there You are alone. And like Judas I traded it all for thirty silver coins. Help me value You more. Remind me how great of a Gift You are to me. Forgive me for the words that have come out of my mouth. Forgive me for the actions that been executed. I cannot take back either but please just humble enough to be honest. Give me perspective. Give me Your perspective. Give me direction to rectify my mistakes.
God, bless this friend of mine. God just bless her like crazy. Like miracles bless her. Thank you so much for her. Not simply for this moment of blissful correction or for being my friend, simply bless her because You love her so freakin’ much. Thank You for just allowing her to exist and breathe. Thank You for her beautiful heart. Thank You for her kindness. Thank You for the joy she so extravagantly exudes. Thank You for those moments where she shares wisdom in humility, care, and love. Thank You for letting her be my friend. Just completely bless her. Like whatever situation is discouraging her or problem that she is having like just do Your thing God. God just thank you so much for her.
God my heart right now is Psalm 51. David said this to You after He committed adultery with Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
In Jesus Name,