Sigh

What is, already exists. It inhabits this moment. Yet, I dwell in past ventures. Whether it be seconds passed or a million gathered memories; I never seem to accept it is over. I cannot bring them back. Mentally I grasp them, but physically they lie uncaptured. They allude my deepest pursuit only to be so near and so distant.

I have always had the problem of embracing the past to closely. Ya’ll I’m honestly just stuck in a rut. I don’t know why I’m here? I don’t think it is hopelessness. I just don’t feel like myself very much lately. I have just stopped caring about my health. And I just feel dumb. Maybe, I need to drive off and be separate for awhile. Maybe, I just need to go to the gym. Maybe, I should just go to bed and stop typing.

God, please know the feelings I don’t even know how to say right now and the reason why I am crying.

Amen.

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