This has been a week for the books. During my 2010 Incept retreat, we took a conflict style quiz to figure out how we handle conflict. I was an extreme avoider. I always have been. Except this week. I don’t know what came over me. Perhaps it was foolishness or maybe stupidity or maybe anger, but I did not avoid. I did the opposite of avoid. I confronted.
Whether or not it was good or bad or some grey area in between, I am left with a feeling of lackluster. Perhaps, it is the ten consecutive days of work or the sleep deprivation, but I just feel like I am in a perpetual state of blah.
I’m searching for a house with three other girls. It is an interesting experience. It is hard to gauge what my life will be like in five months. I want a job, a big girl structured nine to five job. I feel like I don’t know what I want. What does God want me to do? I feel very strongly about seminary. I genuinely believe that God wants me there. I just don’t know about everything else.
You know I don’t think being a Christian is about being fearless. I have logic surrounded fears. I fear, I won’t get into seminary. I fear that I won’t find a job out in Houston post-foster parenting. I fear that, I will not be able to afford living on my own and going to seminary. So, no it is not about being fearless. It is more about being faith-filled.
I should not blog on my overnights…..