G&T

God I have so much to say. I’m often lost in the millions of words that come gushing out of my mouth daily. Even with the silence of 2AM, there is still noise. For months, I have talked around You; I know You are in this space. I want to talk with You. I wish we could be face to face. Sometimes, I wish it were that easy. Lord, faith is not easy. Having a relationship with You is not easy. It takes a lot of effort. You are so worth the effort. I know You are worth waking up early and spending time with. You are worth whispering prayers all through the day. You are worth all praise and total glory and my complete and total adoration. You are worth more than what my trivial life could offer You. And You know this. You know You are so much more than I could afford. The mountain of money that humanity idolizes are nothing more than trees to You. The streets of heaven are paved with gold. Money is of NO value to You. Since, I could afford You, You offered Yourself freely. And still, I behave as if the cost is too high. I don’t think I am tired. I think I have a heart issue. My heart is adrift. There is a line in Come Thou Fount.

Prone to wander Lord I feel it. 
Prone to leave the God I love. 
Here’s my heart Lord, take it seal it. 
Seal it for thy courts above.
 

Lord, out of complete need to be correct, I googled the lyrics to Come Thou Fount. I read through all the lyrics to make sure nothing was misspelled. You know what I noticed, there are a lines in the second verse

Jesus sought me when a stranger, Wandering from the fold of God; He, to rescue me from danger, Interposed His precious blood.

And, I noticed something. I have been so self-seeking in my walk with You. Our relationship has been so much about Your functionality in my life. That was never my intention, but when I am not mindful with our relationship it is going to get to that place. Where everything about us is about me. Where our relationship stumbles into unintentional legalism. I think that my regimented routine equals a relationship…and it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. This Sunday, Pastor Gregg challenged the congregation to use this summer as a time to do something I have never done in my Christian walk. When he began listing off items I was like check: fast, give financially, read a book of the Bible in a sitting, pray for an hour. I do not check them off boastfully. All of this is simply the hand of the Lord in my life. He has brought me from the most shameful of places. As, I type/talk to God. I feel like You are calling me to spend unstructured time with You. I feel like You are telling me to spend and hour in Your presence. Not processing Biblical information or systemically praying, I think You just want me to give You all my attention so I can hear You.  Lord, I give You Saturday morning an uninterrupted hour away from my kids, away from the chaos of my house, away from everything. Just you and me. I will listen.

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