Walking out of service, I’m stopped by a guy who is relatively new at church. He invited me and another woman to a service where they speak in tongues and prophesy. Immediately she gets uncomfortable and I shift to a conversation about the pizza very seamlessly.
We stay for the meeting and then we both walk out. She turned to me and tells me how she is uncomfortable in places where they speak in tongues and prophesy. I respond with an “Okay”, not trying to further discuss this highly uncomfortable conversation.
All the while, I am fighting this dissonance in my head, heart, and spirit. I want to tell him I am weary of services like this. I believe that the Lord still performs miracles to those who believe. I do not think the Lord has so quickly removed His healing hand on those who suffer afflictions. Yes, modern medicine aids the ailments we bear, but the Lord God hovers highly above medical degrees. Doctors can study the body, but their knowledge is futile compared to the Creator of the body. I also believe in prophesy. I believe the Lord speaks through people about themselves, other people, and our world. However, I do not think that in these rallies the Lord is as present as one would hope. Often the voice of the Lord is muted by the ranting and ravings of a congregation that is so thirsty for something that they will drink from a cup not distinguishing whether they are consuming poison or living water.
I want to tell her speaking in tongues is not as terrifying as one would think. I want to tell her that I speak in tongues. In those moments where I am speaking in this divine dialect I am close to God. I hear Him so distinctly. It is as if my antenna are tuned to the station where God is speaking so clearly.
However, I feel embarrassed to bring this up to anyone. It is such a transition from a Pentecostal Church to a Baptist Church. I love both and have learned so much from both, but often just find myself feeling lost and like an outcast in both.
I was going to get baptized at the Baptist church, but I don’t think I can. I emailed the pastor to let him know I couldn’t. I can’t genuinely deny speaking in tongues as a gift of the spirit. When I try it hurts so much spiritually that is makes me physically ill.
To those who speak in tongues or do not speak in tongues, why? It talks about Spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians several times. Ugh, this just upsets me. I really hate denominations.