Another Letter to Him

Your wife is crazy. Like legitimately crazy. I’m hoping in the next 10 years I calm down some. I have mentally pushed back the date that I meet you. I’m thinking 33.

So, I have worked as a foster parent for a year….which I will probably tell you about ALL THE TIME…and I have grown so much. The biggest teacher in life will probably be our kids. It will not be me. Despite my slight cynical nature I will be infatuated with you for a moment, until you get me pregnant. I apologize in advance because I will devote myself to our family and you will not get as much attention.

Okay, but let me just tell you about having kids. Our kids will probably love you most and it will KILL ME. I am a stern parent and I want them to love me. So, please remind me that they love me, because I know they are going to like you more. Also, don’t force me into being the bad cop. I will do what it best for our kids, but it is terrible for our marriage if I am the authoritarian in the house. Also, I have some frontal lobe issues. My mouth is Lightening McQueen and my brain in Mater. Please tell me when to shut up.

Apart from that I miss you. I know wherever you are you are doing okay. It is hard to watch my friends get engaged and know this is not the right time for me. I imagine it would be easier to get married and stop pursuing something greater for myself (for us), but I don’t want to settle. I don’t want to have daughters and make them settle. I want to be a role model for women. I want to be successful in my singleness so no one can tell me that it was a man who made me. All glory will always go back to God.

Sometimes, the idea of you scares me. All I know is how to be like this. So, it is hard to be anything else. Like, what do you want from me? Do we sit in a meeting and discuss this kind of stuff? Do we need to have a representative of both parties address the issue? Like how do we talk? Also, romance freaks me out a bit. I don’t know how to be treated like a lady. Honestly, being a mom for this year has taken all the class and lady-likeness I have. I am so crude now and I LOATHE IT! I just don’t know when to shut up. What would rectify this problem? Old movies? Etiquette class? a date?

Lord help me.

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