Insomnia Posts are the Most Crazy of Them All

Some people like to work because they want to feel productive. Other people enjoy work because they like being busy. Me, I like working because it makes me exhausted. On my second day of not working I am already bored because I am not exhausted. For some people sleep is a natural and lovely process. For me it is a war with my brain to shut itself down and go to sleep.

So, what do I do in my insomnia. Think. I think way too much and never over anything productive of course. Because who in the WORLD is productive at one o’clock in the morning (except the several thousand procrastinating college students across the world). Current thoughts are about England. I may or may not be going to Europe next week and I am kind of stoked. I have a heart bent on adventure and exploration. So, this is naturally right up my ally. I’ve never traveled to another country by myself so, I am kind of scared. But who cares. What is a little fear? I laugh in the face of danger. Not really, I do more of an awkward chuckle at danger. Even if I am scared, what an opportunity. There is a world so much bigger than a town in Georgia and a big city in Texas. There is life completely beaming elsewhere. Doesn’t it fascinate anyone that across the world there are people living their lives? I may meet those people next week? I may walk into a pub for shepherd’s pie or fish and chips and walk out with a story or a friend.

I just think it is quite beautiful how God allows for lives to intersect. He could allow us all to be like ants traveling to and from the hill. Gathering food and functioning, but we are more like pollen. We can be blown so far away from our origin and grow. Ugh, I am not condemning it, but I don’t know how people never want to leave their hometowns. Easy is not interesting to me. Easy is boring.

Think about it. There are women who are my age, who are starting families. FAMILIES. Guys, I am 23. In society and especially Christian society, I think there is this prevailing notion that God wants the same routine for all His children. This routine goes as follows:

  1. Born
  2. Kindergarten
  3. Elementary School
  4. Middle School
  5. High School
  6. College/Workforce
  7. Graduate/Stabilize Job
  8. Marriage
  9. Kids (longest part I’m assuming)
  10. Retire
  11. Die

Again, I am not against this, but this is not for me. Actually, I don’t think it is for a lot of people. I think a lot of people buy into it and end up unhappy because they are not where they want to be. If it makes everyone feel better. I’m not where I want to be either. However, I would rather wander a bit and figure out what I am supposed to do than simply do something because it is what is easier or expected of me. For as much as I say, no guy would ever be able to handle being married to me, I could in fact be married right at this moment. I could be married tomorrow or a year from now or ten years from now or never. Why does everything always seem to come back to this boyfriend issue? I could have a boyfriend right now if I want, but having a “special someone” would not satiate the desire I have for something else. What that something else is? I dunno? Maybe adventure or purpose or achievement or some fourth item to put on the list.

All in all, I think I am open to letting life happen. I am open to meeting new people and experiencing new things. I am especially open to England and meeting Tom Hiddleston.

(start of Tom Hiddleston rant) Ya’ll, don’t even understand. I NEVER EVER EVER have celebrity crushes. Tom Hiddleston is my only exception. Literally my love for him began as a joke. I would just scream out Loki randomly when I was around my coworkers. Then the more I listened to his beautiful British voice and watched him be a velociraptor on YouTube it spawned a genuine appreciation for his life on this earth….also I think he is my soulmate…..(end rant immediately and run away awkwardly)

Lord, just let my life happen. I am not overly concerned about being single or having a boyfriend. I don’t care about being “on track” in my life. If I could ask for one thing Lord, please Jesus, just let me have an adventure. Take me anywhere and everywhere. Place me in the most interesting and awkward situations. Let all I do come back for Your glory. While, I have fears, You comfort me. You are always been there. You will always be.

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