Big Ideas in a Small Brain

About a month ago I met with my academic adviser. He asked me what I wanted to do with my Masters in Counseling. I didn’t know. In fact, I still don’t know. Luckily, I am in the first year of my program. All the sudden, I began asking “What do I want to do with my life”. Which is rather absurd. I am in fact getting a Masters. That should obviously mean I know what I want to do? To some degree this is true, but there is no specific person I am looking to counsel. Neither is there a type of counseling I would like to do. I just have a passion of people. I love meeting them and knowing them and connecting with them. I think the individual and specific beauty of humanity is evidence of a masterful, intentional, creative God. The more, I thought on this and continue to think on this the more I realize this belief is less about what I want to do with my degree, and more about who I am.

I am posing the question, “How will my Masters integrate into my identity”? My response is more for myself than anyone reading. Not to be insulting, but I find typing and reading to be rather cathartic and evaluative. Back to answering the question though. I think comes this (1) constant acknowledgement that my primary identity is found in Christ. Counselor will be a role that I play. However, my identity as a Christian will influence my practice as a counselor. I have been diligent in reminding myself of the role/identity conundrum. Especially, with work. Foster parenting around the clock is an easy way to lose your identity. Simply because it is a lifestyle of constantly feeling both unprepared and overwhelmed. (2) I am limited. My professor discussed how gracious he is towards himself. How gracious are you to yourself? How gracious am I to myself? Truthfully it is an unpracticed virtue in Christian circles. In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul states how God grace is sufficient for him. I makes me wonder why God can look past my weaknesses and find purpose in them. Yet, I look at my weaknesses and find shame. I believe that my desire for this degree is birthed out of a (3) compulsion to see people well. In high school, I considered being a nurse. I quickly learned I am too squeamish for the medical field. Rather, I grew fascinated with the psyche. Brains are beautiful (I am sure I saw that on a zombie T-shirt). Seriously, the thought of thought, metacognition, is awesome. When I can identify a person’s automatic thoughts, I can peer into their intermediate beliefs. After identifying those beliefs, I delve into a person’s core beliefs. Which is nuts. Because as someone’s core beliefs lie the way they view the world and namely themselves. Which is profound. How often as people do we stop and ruminate on our core beliefs. Personally, I attempt to align my beliefs to Biblical truth, but there are dissonances. I am working on rectifying them, sometimes.

I don’t know where exactly this was supposed to go, but these were the thoughts floating around in my head for the past several weeks. Writing is such an aid in releasing them. I end this with a shoulder shrug and smirk.

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