The Waiting Place

Something is going to happen soon. I know it will. There are days where I simply sit and wait for the phone to ring or an email to come or a letter to arrive, letting me know that my life is going to be normal-ish. It is not a place of fear, but it is a place of waiting. The storm has calmed. I am not overtaken by this hurricane of emotion or regret or despair. Honestly, my boat is just bobbing around in the ocean. Often times, I assume that when a storm is over I have reached my destination.

That is not the case. I recently took a job, but now I am second guessing it. There has never been a job where at the beginning I was not excited to be there. However, today is my first day on shift and I am lacking in the luster of it all. I am only there for the money. I know myself, well enough to know that is not the way I desire to work. I didn’t stay at my previous job for as long as I did for the money. I stay because I loved what I did. I loved my kids. I loved my community. I didn’t work in the orientation office three summers in a row for the money. I did it because I loved the experience. I loved every person in that office. I love the service surrounding orientations. Even, when I worked at Macy’s I loved it because of the experience I was receiving. However, working for simply the money is the most draining process. I have not even started my shift and I am ready for it to be over. Even though I worked all the time previously, I found what I did fulfilling. Nevertheless, I will search for the silver lining on an apparently white cloud. I get to be around people. I love customer service. I enjoy talking to people. I got to work extra hours . I mean people like me there. It is crazy, I am super quiet, but the staff there is kind to me.

Even as my boat bobs up and down now and all is calm, I have this feeling in my spirit that even the white clouds are going away soon and the sun is going to shine in its full radiance. I just trust in God’s character. I trust in His sovereignty. I trust that because He is good, that He will allow me the opportunity to bear witness of His goodness.

Lord, I have not written a prayer on here in a while. Thank you for sustaining me in all of this. Thank you for being the captain of my boat, because we both know I cannot handle it…even on good days. Thank you for the storm. You taught me so much. Thank you that you provided me with crew mates to ride the storm with. Thank you that the storm is calming. Thank you for clouds. God thank you for just being who you are. As, I wait I am becoming more aware of your presence, your providence, and your plan. I trust in Your character. You are good. You are good to me. Lord, I love you.

As, I stay in the waiting place, please give me patience. Bless my time in Your Word. Let me know who you are. I want to know You more.

As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So my soul pants for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God;
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
While they say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”
These things I remember and I pour out my soul within me.
For I used to go along with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God,
With the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.

Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him
For the help of His presence.
O my God, my soul is in despair within me;
Therefore I remember You from the land of the Jordan
And the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls;
All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me.
The Lord will command His loving-kindness in the daytime;
And His song will be with me in the night,
A prayer to the God of my life.

I will say to God my rock, “Why have You forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”
As a shattering of my bones, my adversaries revile me,
While they say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”
Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.

Psalm 42

Amen

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