Blessed (bless-ed) Self-Awareness

In my Appraisal and Assessment course, my professor asked us on the second day to become more aware of how we measure ourselves. Mostly because we often the measure of ourselves is incorrect and unreliable. So, the only way to rightfully think about myself is from the perspective of the One who created me, not solely from my experiences and my own fallen perspective.

Tuesdays are crazy. I wake up in morning. Arrive at work by 8:30am. Leave for school across town at 12:45pm. Leave to return to work by 4:00pm. Leave work at 9:15pm. Today, I didn’t pack enough food for lunch. I stopped at Kroger to get some curry chicken salad and cantaloupe. I get my items and then realize that I was hungry, NOW. I look at the  hot items and see BBQ chicken strips. I purchase two, and begin to walk to my car. That is when, I began feeling terrible.

I didn’t really need those two chicken strips. I already had cantaloupe and curry chicken salad in my hand. I should have just been patient. I don’t need this. I just finished Whole30. I am going to gain back the weight I just lost. I haven’t even worked out this week. I feel sick.

Deeply, underlying my food issues, is the mentality of and immigrant. I cannot waste food. I ate the chicken strips in the car. After consuming both chicken strips. My thoughts grew.

Why did you eat that? Did you even enjoy it? Feel that in your stomach that is all the processed garbage you just ate. The way you eat is disgusting. Did you even think about it before you started eating? Glutton. Don’t eat the chicken curry. Eat it tomorrow. You have already eaten too much. Don’t eat the cantaloupe until you have a break in the class.

Ya’ll my brain has some catastrophic tendencies. However, in this season, God has gripped at my heart and mind and is making it very clear, He will have nothing short of all my affections. And, if my affections for Christ are to grow, then my obsession with self must decline.

I felt the Lord, tell me to stop. As, I park my car and get water from the fridge, God begins to very reorganize my thoughts.

All you have eaten today are eggs and strawberries. You are hungry. You have not worked out, because you have been focused on work and school. It is only Tuesday. This was not a wise choice. Do not base your worth on two chicken strips. Are you satiated currently?

Yes.

Then don’t eat right now.

What have you accomplished this week?

I have given invitations out to my teens, collected dressed for Friday, put in IT tickets, put in a donations ticket, completed 40 pages worth of reading notes, created announcements, created a teen departure inventory, talked to parents, made bookbags for 4 new teens, served a family that only spoke Spanish get uniforms for their children, was available to talk to my teens when they found out they lost a loved one, restrung Christmas lights, attended several meetings, created Biblical Counseling lesson plans.

It is not that you have been doing nothing.

Think rightly. Think completely.

Often times, God manifests Himself in glorious ways. Today, He spoke and I listened. It was the best choice I made today.

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