Tuesdays, I go blues dancing. I met a man about 40 years my senior. He sat in a group of three. We started a friendly conversation. He was a great tango dancer. He taught me tango. He was overt in his farewell that he was interested in me.
I arrived home; he had sent me a very complimentary, forward yet respectful message. Initially, I blew him off. It was weird. Men don’t hit on me, in a serious way. Maybe in a jokey, flirtatious, banter riddled manner but nothing more. I reread the message again today. Here are words he used to describe me: lovely, elegant, and pure heart. As, I drove home I thought about it. I began to rationalize it and see hope in it. I began (in desperation) to extract the outlandishness of this situation and romanticized it.
The Lord very quickly shut that down. In doing so, He built an empathetic pathway for women who find themselves in bad relationships. I can happen with quickness and ease. I know there is no good that can come from engaging with this man. I know this is not for whom the Lord has preserved me. However, I know those words (lovely, elegant, pure heart) are words, I desire so badly to see in myself. They are words, I intentionally work on developing in myself. They are words that I wish to reflect out to people. They are words that are nice to hear from my girlfriends, but hold a different weight when heard from a man’s voice. For a matter of moments, hearing them from a man’s voice mattered more than hearing God’s.
I will do nothing with his message. I won’t respond. After, I post this I will probably delete it. It was just a thought I had while driving down 610.
Waiting is hard. Waiting when all has been silent is even harder. I don’t think the desire for a relationship or marriage is wrong. I think You bless people with the desire for companionship. Waiting in the silence brings about as many insecurities as being in a relationship does. Yet, I will wait.
Forgive me in times, when I think You aren’t good enough and that I need more. Father, sometimes it is nice to hear Your Voice through the voices of those around me. Remind to trust Your words and not the flattery of men. Remind me to listen to You. Forgive me for the moments where I forget that You are the one who is the Great Companion.
Comfort me in great sincerity. Remind me that I can be weak with You. And, that I am doing alright being single. That even my singleness is ordained by You. You know that in this time, You get the most glory from my life, and I grow in godly character, by being single. God most importantly, remind me that my life is not about me. Help me to focus on You so deeply and with such intent that all the cares of this life trickle away, until it is just You and me.