There is a stupid thing Christians have told me when life gets frustratingly difficult, “Well, you know, God will never put more on you than you can bear”. Yeah, that’s a lie, that well-meaning Christians tell one another, when we don’t know how to deal with one another’s suffering.
Lately, I have been working through this need of mine to constantly be strong. I know I am not alone in Houston. I have amazing, amazing people in my life here. People who love me better than I have ever know. People who know me and like me as a person. However, I have felt disturbingly isolated. Shit has been falling apart for months. I feel like my car is some weird symbol of my life. It is either functional or breaking down. The issue is I would rather pretend to be functional than admit, I am breaking down. I don’t even know what’s broken. I am just tired of things breaking. I am tired of being broken.
Perhaps, God is gently dealing with my arrogance by evidently showing me my weakness. I don’t know. However, I am ready to admit, I am weak and I hate myself for it.