If you have followed my last 10 blog posts, they have been riddled with a growing amount of angst, despair, frustration, and sorrow. All-in-all, I have been in a funk. I don’t know how I got there or why I am there, but I have quit looking for answers (for now). It does not seem beneficial to continue mulling around the same set of details awaiting for a Da Vinci Code style revelation to appear. After 3 months of it, I consider it a massive waste of time. Rather, I have come to this conclusion:
God cares about the funk I am in. However, the more I reflect on marriage, the more, I grow in understanding my relationship with the Lord. I feel like all relationships go through a funk phase. Where someone in the relationship, just can’t pull themselves into the emotional desire to do or be all they have to do or be. I think it is in those moments, you remember the vows once made. While, the wedding day is filled will romance and aesthetics, it is a day of choice. You choose faithfulness and devotion in all situations: rich, poor, sick, well, better, worse. Some years ago, I chose. I chose union to God. I chose a write-in into a better and harder story. I chose Him. He chose me.
Funk is my worse. Funk is where I question my faithfulness to the relationship. Funk is where, I don’t have the desire to go through the monotony of being united: reading, prayer, meditation. I yearn for the earlier days filled with nostalgia. Where simply singing a song made me weep. Where, I would pray for hours, enjoying both the speaking and the listening. Where, I would read and hear Your Voice telling me Your Story. Where, my heart changed constantly. Where, I felt You all around and saw You in nature and tragedy and people. I miss it. I miss You. This is where we are. While, my vow to you didn’t promise all those things, I will persevere in faithfulness.
I am grateful, You remain faithful even when I am not. I am more like Gomer than, I want to admit.