Have Your Cake…

Neural pathways and memories connect in oddest of fashions. Eating Chick-fil-A in my bed I was reminded of a scene from Georgia. Ten years ago, I was working at Gold’s Gym, enamored by the man who worked the front desk. I did EVERYTHING to get his attention, including vigorously working out. We became friends…I think. … More Have Your Cake…

Soft

If there was ever a day to spend in bed with someone, it would be today. Nothing sexual, just endearing. There are weeks where consistent companionship would be lovely. I miss imagined opportunities to just be held. This week has been painful and notifying someone would have led to crisis responses. It’s not a crisis … More Soft

31

I began writing this email on October 21st in my head after leaving church. I plan emotions 6 months in advance. It has been quite the somber season of life. October brought about transitions and there are still many more unfolding, but today will always be a reason for celebration. After trying seasons happen, it … More 31

Realer

Oft, I am depressed and lonely. Melancholy is how I naturally orient myself in a broken and tragic world. Deep inhale. To some degree that’s totally and completely okay. My philosophic worldview allows for a destructive force to exist in opposition to Beauty. This force finds itself in me and creates inner conflict. Shit, sometimes it is … More Realer

To Be in Love

I think of all the ones I’ve ever loved, sincerely and purely and wholly. In time, it convolutes. Depravity is not me but with me and sometimes in me. I deeply desire to love in excess without ill motive. Why is it so hard? Why do I fool myself into thinking I can? Why do … More To Be in Love

November 27

Tell us about a blog post you didn’t publish. Currently, there are 25 blogs sitting in my draft box. As I look over them they fall into two categories of why they are not published: too personal and too controversial.  Relatable and ambiguous. If I could describe myself and my writing style in two words … More November 27

November 22

Thanksgiving. What are you most thankful for? Life seems like a series of laments in certain seasons. Nevertheless, I am thankful for what feels like a human experience. I don’t care for fame or notoriety. I care to know the goodness of love from God and others. I have been loved really well this year … More November 22

November 2

When did you first know you were truly loved? This is a hard and complex question. I will answer it as best I can. I cognitively know I am loved. I struggle with always knowing that affectively. I cognitively know the love of God. He is faithful to me and has loved me so deeply … More November 2

A Pleasant Haunting

Pitchfork: Considering you had a distant relationship, were you at all surprised that her death hit you so hard? SS: Yeah. In the moment, I was stoic and phlegmatic and practical, but in the months following I was manic and frantic and disparaging and angry. They always talk about the science of bereavement, and how … More A Pleasant Haunting

Disconnected Ramblings on Love’s Presence, Absence, & False Form

It seems that all my friends are in seasons, where love is raining down in giant drops of warmth and relief and joy. It is a time to dance in the rain; I feel like I am drowning in it. Most days, it is enough to keep me afloat, but lately watching love in its … More Disconnected Ramblings on Love’s Presence, Absence, & False Form