Realer

Oft, I am depressed and lonely. Melancholy is how I naturally orient myself in a broken and tragic world. Deep inhale. To some degree that’s totally and completely okay. My philosophic worldview allows for a destructive force to exist in opposition to Beauty. This force finds itself in me and creates inner conflict. Shit, sometimes it is … More Realer

Putting Out

Minorities master live theater. My life is an act as I fluctuate in and out of constant characterization. I get lost in the act. It feels dissociative. As vast as the caricature of blackness is, there are still subtleties in how I perform. It’s what makes a stellar actress. The best actors are not the … More Putting Out

Keep Forgiving

What’s crazy about this post is that I have had it written since November 8th. I opened it on December 31st at 2am, for one last view before it posted on January 1st and everything changed. What was written prior were the musings of a dog licking their wounds that were entirely avoidable. What follows … More Keep Forgiving

A Thrill of Hope

A desire to be seen, heard, known, and loved can become so esurient that it will feed on whatever brings it food, even if it is poison. I ate poison because I was ravenous. If it hadn’t been for people pumping my stomach, I would have surely died. At the end of a difficult (as … More A Thrill of Hope

November 13

Favorite place to road trip Waco, TX. Saturday, I completed my fifth trip to Waco, but my third this year. It makes no sense at all. Texas is home to some large and gorgeous cities, the Hill Country, lovely beaches, and some wonderful small towns, but there are none that I love as much as … More November 13

Disconnected Ramblings on Love’s Presence, Absence, & False Form

It seems that all my friends are in seasons, where love is raining down in giant drops of warmth and relief and joy. It is a time to dance in the rain; I feel like I am drowning in it. Most days, it is enough to keep me afloat, but lately watching love in its … More Disconnected Ramblings on Love’s Presence, Absence, & False Form

Race, Beauty, and Hope

The predominant culture suggests normative black features are not attractive. Because of this in the dating realm, black women finish dead last. OKCupid has a study affirming this. While, it is not explicitly stated: “men find black women unattractive”. My assumption is that they don’t. Rounded noses and darker skin are not particularly “in”. Full lips … More Race, Beauty, and Hope

Gracious to Me

In an instant, emotions billow over me. They consume me. It’s scary. A simple tugboat amid the crashing waves, I am jolted into a storm threatening to capsize my humble vessel. These storms persist over weeks and months. Lighter rain pours, but this is not relief. After a four month midnight, overcast comes. I welcome it. I … More Gracious to Me

The Creation Story

I opened up my Bible for the first time in 4 months. It was open most of the semester for the sake of studying and knowing, but not for being. Not for the maintenance of a relationship with God. I don’t know what prompted reading it. Perhaps a midnight prayer? I only read 5 verses: … More The Creation Story