The 2nd X

The last significant interaction I had with my father happened in 2014. I had just lost my job at Casa. I was homeless, carless, and finishing my first semester of seminary. My dad promised to bring a car for me that upcoming Saturday. I waited at a Starbucks on Buffalo Speedway doing homework, trying to … More The 2nd X

Embodied Resurrection

It’s the day after Easter. I’ve been waiting for this day because for the past two months, I have looked forward to the day after Easter. Christ’ resurrection bodes hope, that the falsity in me won’t eternally separate me from God. However, His return celebrates the hope of the type of connectedness God had planned … More Embodied Resurrection

Embodied Death

Jesus had a body. Jesus is a body.  Jesus’ hands washed feet. Jesus’ mouth taught friends. Jesus’ feet walked with friends.  Jesus’ hands folded.  Jesus’ heart raced as his mouth prayed. Jesus’ cheek was kissed. Jesus’ body was arrested. Jesus’ ears heard accusations. Jesus’ eyes were covered. Jesus’ face was punched. Jesus’ body was transported. … More Embodied Death

Have Your Cake…

Neural pathways and memories connect in oddest of fashions. Eating Chick-fil-A in my bed I was reminded of a scene from Georgia. Ten years ago, I was working at Gold’s Gym, enamored by the man who worked the front desk. I did EVERYTHING to get his attention, including vigorously working out. We became friends…I think. … More Have Your Cake…

Fraud

We are shaped significantly by our failures and trauma. Almost more so than our successes. I don’t know why that is, but I am fantastic at remembering the dates that shaped me. I am terrified that I am no good at all. After five years of seminary and a decade of professed faith, I tremble … More Fraud

Soft

If there was ever a day to spend in bed with someone, it would be today. Nothing sexual, just endearing. There are weeks where consistent companionship would be lovely. I miss imagined opportunities to just be held. This week has been painful and notifying someone would have led to crisis responses. It’s not a crisis … More Soft

31

I began writing this email on October 21st in my head after leaving church. I plan emotions 6 months in advance. It has been quite the somber season of life. October brought about transitions and there are still many more unfolding, but today will always be a reason for celebration. After trying seasons happen, it … More 31

Weights + Measures

Today, I weigh the weight I was at the beginning of 2018. January, I had begun Crossfit. Because I moved to 3rd Ward in November. After living at a homeless shelter since August. Because my house flooded days before my birthday. I lost a lot. I gained 20lbs. I didn’t hate myself. It was easy … More Weights + Measures

Realer

Oft, I am depressed and lonely. Melancholy is how I naturally orient myself in a broken and tragic world. Deep inhale. To some degree that’s totally and completely okay. My philosophic worldview allows for a destructive force to exist in opposition to Beauty. This force finds itself in me and creates inner conflict. Shit, sometimes it is … More Realer

Putting Out

Minorities master live theater. My life is an act as I fluctuate in and out of constant characterization. I get lost in the act. It feels dissociative. As vast as the caricature of blackness is, there are still subtleties in how I perform. It’s what makes a stellar actress. The best actors are not the … More Putting Out